Yup, I spelt them right this time !
I suddenly twigged, once I had got away from my computer after writing the previous story about the poisonous ASDA DOUGHNUTS that have given me the severe squits for a few days, what actually was the cause of that uncomfortable feeling I had something was wrong about what I had written.
It was that bloody American spell checker telling me the way to spell DOUGHNUTS was Donuts, or perhaps even Dohnuts – as in Doh, a popular word Americans now seem to communicate a lot of what they have to say to each other with, having taken lessons in how to speak eloquently from ubiquitous dumb cartoon character Homer Simpson.
Sod off you useless American spell checkers. You are a total pain in the backside !
Anyway, after starting going on about those awful ASDA DOUGHNUTS which had made me so ill, I was too tired to make another observation about them I had wanted to make because it was the middle of the night; about 3 a.m. or something. So, here is the rest of what I planned to say about a very unpleasant doughnut experience. A typical hazard of our Modern Times, where Big, Blundering, Bossy Business constantly finds new ways to cut corners and make even more profit by degrading the quality of every product we buy from them !
The outside of the packet definitely said they were Donuts ( I think that’s how ASDA spelt them too) but when I took the first one out I noticed it was quite different from real Doughnuts I had so often eaten in the past.
Wowsers, it was in fact – a pretend doughnut ! That is to say the fat police had interfered with how ASDA cooked their doughnuts; so, instead of dumping a small ball of DOUGH into hot fat to deep fry it for a minute or two – which is how Doughnuts are actually made, ASDA had simply sprayed a microscopic amount of vegetable oil in the form of a fine mist over the dough and BAKED it instead of deep frying it in good old fashioned fat.
So the result was something that hardly resembled a doughnut at all and certainly didn’t taste like one.
It just so happened I saw a jam and fresh cream doughnut the next day in Waitrose, one of the two most up-market supermarkets in the U K, renowned for at least trying to maintain quality levels far above the rest of the supermarket riff-raff like Sainsburys and Tesco et al.
I’ve always been a sucker for fresh cream doughnuts because I used to buy them from the tuck shop at boarding school when I was about fourteen years old. They were magnificent. Big, filled to bursting with real, thick fresh cream and strawberry jam; delicious ! I have had a fondness for them ever since.
This Waitrose fresh cream and jam doughnut sat forlornly all by itself, marked down from 91 pence to 31 pence as it was the end of the day and they wanted to get rid of it. It beckoned; I couldn’t resist; I bought it.
Imagine my disappointment to discover this doughnut was also a pretend doughnut cooked in this vile way of spraying a fine mist of vegetable oil over dough and baking it in an oven. It did not taste anything like a real doughnut. It was a rubbish doughnut; a parody of a real doughnut !
Not only was it a baked object and not a doughnut at all, but, even worse, the cream was aerated and barely tasted like cream at all. It was just some sort of aerated, greasy white stuff with very little taste at all. It certainly didn’t taste of cream.
Such is life in Modern Times these days ! Nothing is the same as it used to be. Everything becomes shoddier and shoddier and nastier and nastier all the time in the interests of Big Business making ever more profit by endlessly dreaming up ways to do everything cheaper and cheaper and more and more for the convenience of supermarket’s ‘shelf Life’ rather than to actually provide what the shopper actually wants to buy.
It is all about ‘marketing’ and ‘imagery’ these days, not about providing decent consumer products. Everything is presented ‘packaged’ up to the hilt and made to look more real than the actual ‘real’ thing itself. So you buy it, thinking it is the product you want.
But, when you get home and unravel all the rubbishy, aggravating ‘packaging’ with all its pretty pictures of what the product should look like, you invariably find the product in question is just a shabby pretence of what it really should be.
But at least this Waitrose cream and jam doughnut didn’t poison me like the ASDA one did ! At least that was something to be grateful for.